Saturday, April 18, 2020

Feeling Adrift in A Very Weird Time

Adrift.  Linocut Print. ©2019 M. Bodhisattva Hill

I guess you could say I have been absent from My Life in Art.  Since the beginning of February, I have been adrift with little direction. The COVID-19 and the resulting shelter in place orders in March have certainly caused me (and others I am sure) to re-evaluate life and priorities.  I have not, as I had hoped, been more productive in art or writing.  I have a job that has been deemed essential, so I go to work every day.  When I come home, I make dinner for us. Then, all I want to do is sleep or watch movies. I have been told that this is a response to trauma and I accept that.

That it's been a weird year is an understatement.

I have been cooking and being more adventurous in the kitchen.  I am making first attempts at making fermented pickles and baking sourdough bread. I am learning how to make the things we usually buy at the grocery store. This weekend I plan on making cheese, either ricotta or mozzarella. It's not homesteading, but it's as close as I can get. 

But I haven't been able to work in the studio. Maybe I am being hard on myself.  I should be happy that I am, in fact, being creative in the kitchen.  Still, I feel the need to get into the studio.  I need to draw.  Or paint.  Or...what have you.

Maybe today is the day.

Here's a thought.  Maybe it's okay to be adrift, even just for the time being. Maybe the direction you or I are going is the direction that we are meant to take.  Our society has been programmed to be so goal-oriented for so long. We work our jobs to mostly pay our bills, we incur bills because Capitalism has told us that we need to be consumers for the economy. Our president has stated that, in so many words, our economy is more important than the more vulnerable of society: the elderly, the infirm, the less fortunate matter less than Wall Street. I'm not making this up.

Maybe the silver lining of this whole thing is the possibility of a paradigm shift.  Our government, for the most part, has failed us. Capitalism has failed us. No maybe or what if:  it is time for a change.

Despite everything, despite all the chaos and uncertainty surrounding the pandemic, right now, at this very moment, it's still a beautiful day. I am grateful for the things I have and the people I know.  I am grateful for Valerie, my love and partner in adventures. I am grateful that I have an income.  I am grateful for the coffee I am drinking.  I am grateful for hermit time.

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